You can’t beat a good pun
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.
I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Police were summoned to a daycare centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tyred.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
When chemists die, they barium.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
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October 22nd, 2020 at 11:21 am
Three I like:
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Dyslexia lures, KO. (Being a dyslexic, I don’t think this is offensive.)
She used to kiss me on the lips, but it’s all over now.
Also small typographical/US spelling points, I’m being picky here:
The bicycle one, would it be better to say, two tyred?
It took me a while to get “herbivore” until I used the Dutch pronunciation of “v”.
October 22nd, 2020 at 8:49 pm
Thanks for the three extra ones, Bill.
I’ve corrected the American spelling now.