The best Christmas cracker jokes
What happened to the hyena who swallowed an Oxo cube?
He made a laughing stock of himself.
In which country can’t you use cash?
The cheque republic!
What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
An egg.
How do you stay cool at a football match?
Stand next to a fan!
What’s the best Xmas present in the world?
A broken drum… you just can’t beat it!
What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
Floodlights.
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin.
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.
What do you call an underground train full of professors?
A tube of smarties.
What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper.
Where do sick gnomes go?
To the Elf Centre.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
What do you call a train loaded with toffee?
A chew chew train!
What do you give a man who has everything?
Antibiotics!
Why did the nurse tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
She didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause.