A review of the book “The Laws Of Connection” by David Robson (2024)
Let’s be honest, there is some hyperbole here, starting with the title (social sciences, like psychology and sociology, do not have ‘laws’ in that the sense that physical sciences, such as physics and chemistry, do) and continuing with the subtitle “13 social strategies that will transform your life” (it will take more than reading this book to transform, rather than to improve, your life.)
Having said this, there is an enormous amount of practical advice in this work about building connections and maintaining connections and it is all evidenced, not just with anecdotes from some famous individuals but, more importantly, by an enormous amount of recent research (mainly American), all of which is carefully referenced by this British science writer.
A lot of the problem in connections is misunderstanding:
we overestimate how well we are understood by others in our conversations and how well we think we understand them; we overestimate the difficulty of starting a conversation with a stranger and underestimate how rewarding this connection is likely to be; we overestimate the difficulty in providing a compliment and underestimate how good those receiving a compliment will feel; we overestimate how difficult we would find it to ask for help and underestimate how pleased people would feel to provide help; we overestimate how hard it would be to ask for forgiveness and underestimate how liberating it can be to make amends for our transgressions.
Often small changes in how we express ourselves can make all the difference:
when the message matters, check that you’ve been understood and/or that you have understood; when you want it to be understood how you feel, make an effort to articulate your emotions; to deepen a conversation, ask more questions; value honesty over kindness (but practice both, if possible); practice confelicity which is sharing of joy at another’s success or wellbeing; address disagreements through dialogue rather than diatribe; show compassion (not just to those close to you) and be willing to express vulnerability; reach out to the people who are missing in your life.
Robson has organised his material really well: each chapter deals with one ‘law’ and there are plenty of subheadings; each chapter concludes with a summary and suggested action points; there is a final chapter listing all the ‘laws’; there is is a glossary and references to all the research quoted.
Reading this book may not transform your life, but it can hardly fail to enhance your social connections and therefore make you a little happier.