How would you like to die?
It was just over 50 years ago but I still remember it. I was in my early 20s and very active politically in the Labour Party. I had represented my Constituency Labour Party at the Labour Party Annual Conference and I went round all the wards giving my report of the event.
This particular meeting was held in the living room at the house of an elderly couple of longstanding Party members. I gave an eloquent report and looked forward to questions. But then the lady in whose home we were meeting noticed that her husband was sitting very still and looking extremely pale. He was dead.
Now I know what you’re thinking: I had bored him to death. Whatever the true cause of his demise, the circumstances were remarkable. It had been so sudden and so pain-free that nobody had noticed. He died at home with his wife and his comrades. What a way to go.
This astonishing incident came back to my mind this week during a conversation that I had with an elderly patient in a local hospital where I am a volunteer. She told me about her husband – aged 99 1/2 and looking forward to a message from the monarch. Astonishingly he had never been in hospital and took no medication.
But one evening he was feeling tired, so he had a bath and went to bed early. He had eaten little that day so his wife – herself a sprightly 91 year old – took him some cereal. She gave him a spoonful but he did not swallow it. He looked her directly in the eyes, closed his eyes, and died. He did not make a sound. What a way to go.
By contrast, I’ve been visiting a woman of around my own age (mid 70s) who is suffering from motor neurone disease. It affects her from the neck upwards.
She cannot hold her head up without supporting her head with her hands. She cannot eat or drink so she receives nourishment through a tube in her stomach. She cannot speak so she writes on a small whiteboard. She cannot swallow so she has to use a suction machine to remove the phlegm. She fears that she will die from choking.
She is very clear. She wants to die. But she cannot kill herself and the law does not allow anyone to assist her in ending her life.
I guess we would all like to die like the first two people that I mentioned – quick and painlessly. But increasingly many of us are living longer in circumstances that we would like to bring to an end. We need a calm and rational debate about end of life and personal choice and politicians need to listen to the public and to the medical profession.
August 14th, 2022 at 12:49 pm
Thanks for this posting, Roger. It’s a very important subject. In particular, the issue of whether those with a terminal, progressive illness with no likelihood of remission should have the right to choose to end life in a humane manner!
Quite a few countries now have laws allowing assisted dying – with suitable “due process” rules and safeguards to prevent abuse.
For anyone interested, can I recommend checking out the website of Dignity in Dying where the various aspects of the issue are explored. http://www.dignityindying.org.uk
There is also a sister organisation Compassion in Dying which aims to “support you to plan ahead to get the end-of-life care that is right for you” regardless of your current state of health. compassionindying.org.uk
August 14th, 2022 at 1:39 pm
Many thanks for these recommendations, Andy.
August 14th, 2022 at 5:40 pm
In no doubt I want the first over the latter. A good life and quick and painless death.
August 14th, 2022 at 9:15 pm
Such an important subject; and the lack of action from many governments on this is upsetting. Why do we make humans suffer unnecessarily when we have the ability to make death a dignified, timely event in a place of the person’s choosing? I personally do not believe that 100s of people would be persuaded to die earlier or unnecessarily; I think this is a bogus argument put forward by those with a desire for the law to remain as is It beggars belief that we can stand by and watch humans suffer horribly when we could change the law and remove that awful uncertainly.
August 14th, 2022 at 10:09 pm
I agree, Maren. Like you, I don’t think many would make that choice but – with appropriate safeguards – they should have that choice.
August 21st, 2022 at 12:25 pm
Interesting post Roger. When young I took crazy risks, not worrying about death or being maimed. In a Buddhist phase we contemplated death a lot. There are even specific meditations to think through from the agony of dying to wormy recycling. They are great for removing the fear of death but not entirely removing the fear of pain. Being 99.9% clear that there is neither a purpose for us now nor a future beyond being recycled, I would like to go without pain and have taken what steps one can to ensure that vegetation and pain are not on the agenda.The law is an ass on this.