My second short story

My summer time project to become a short story writer continues.
Today I publish my second story entitled “Thelma And Louise – The Sequel”.
You can read it here.
Do let me know what you think.


  • David Eden

    I very much enjoyed the film “Thelma & Louise”, but when I reflected upon it, always thought that the ending was somewhat inconclusive . . . Seems you shared that thought and decided to explore what came after.
    I find your writing entertaining, and it seems (based on the 2 short stories) that you have a tendency to write about the different paths that your characters choose to take, the good choices and mistakes they make, and the regrets they live with (or not).
    Your 2 stories are vivid, and I could see them being developed for films. Ever thought of living in LA?

  • Roger Darlington

    Many thanks for this encouragement, David.
    I love movies but I’m not sure I could ever live in LA – not least because I don’t drive.
    But I once spent four days there which was fun.

  • Calvin Allen

    Just a belated bit of feedback following the publication of your first two short stories. It’s very brave of you to put this out there: short stories are incredibly varied in their level of ‘success’; even from the top authors (Stephen King, Kazuo Ishiguro, for example), some work and some don’t and often for quite small reasons to do with characters and plot development.
    I imagine that the top writers put less time into the short stories and tend to use them as a way of working out ideas: many are, in reality, work in progress rather than a finished product in their own right although Ishiguro, quite successfully I think, chose the narrative option of linking together a narrow set of themes in his recent short story collection.
    Anyway, on to your own: I thought the first was more successful than the second: the first featured some good characters and an interesting plot twist at the end, as well as raising some moral questions too. The role of baklava in making life, well, more sweet was also a gently humorous touch. I think a good short story has to have powerful characters, either in terms of how they are drawn or what they say (two sides of the same coin, I know), should keep you guessing as to (or at) the end and should leave you with something to think about thereafter.
    The second worked less well for me because the characters were instantly familiar (though that might of course be the reason why it worked well for someone else) and because, for me, the achievement in your story was, therefore, a little less. I also think the scope of the story was too long – your development would have made an interesting outline for a follow-on film but I would have preferred to see, in the short story format, a briefer, but more in-depth, focus: either on Thelma or Louise, or else on events that didn’t carry on quite so far into the future. I also felt that, at the end, there was little for the reader to reflect on: the story is rounded and complete, finished.
    Other than those criticisms, however, your dialogue was good: you can hear Susan Sarandon, in particular, in her dialogue in your story and that’s difficult to bring off in this format.

  • Roger Darlington

    Thanks for these constructive comments, Calvin. I think you make some very good points that I will dwell upon.
    One of the ‘rules’ of short story writing is that the timescale should be brief – but sometimes rules should be broken, especially in a creative setting.
    At this very early stage of my short story crafting, I’m deliberately trying out different themes, styles, voices so that, through experiment, I can learn and hopefully grow. Please keep reading and continue giving me critical feedback.

  • David Monkman

    Another good short story which I enjoyed. You really have got into the characters.
    Have you thought about a book of short stories or even turning them into film scripts?

  • Georgeanne Lamont

    Good story – I liked it –fast and fun. How the two roads part.

  • Silvia Holden

    Rock on baby, what a cracker! Really enjoyed it – nice to read something romantic and idealistic!

  • Moi Ali

    I skived off my day job for 30 mins to read your short stories. Enjoyed all of them, especially the “Thelma and Louise” one.
    Funny, but I mentioned to you a book I had just read on how to write fiction and that includes an analysis of Thelma and Louise and an explanation of why it (the film) starts where it does. It made me wonder whether yours would be more powerful starting where it ends and working backwards, leaving the reader wondering how Louise came to be looking after Thelma’s child. Just a thought.
    Keep writing!

  • Diane M. Wierzbicki

    Bravo, Bravo, I love it! You have to get someone to make it- a little “Thelma & Louise” and a little “The Banger Sisters”.


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