{"id":7437,"date":"2011-12-14T10:40:17","date_gmt":"2011-12-14T09:40:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rogerdarlington.me.uk\/nighthawk\/?p=7437"},"modified":"2011-12-14T10:40:17","modified_gmt":"2011-12-14T09:40:17","slug":"a-new-twist-on-cow-based-economics","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.rogerdarlington.me.uk\/nighthawk\/?p=7437","title":{"rendered":"A new twist on cow-based economics"},"content":{"rendered":"

SOCIALISM<\/em><\/p>\n

You have 2 cows.<\/p>\n

You give one to your neighbour.<\/p>\n

COMMUNISM<\/em><\/p>\n

You have 2 cows.<\/p>\n

The State takes both and gives you some milk.<\/p>\n

FASCISM<\/em><\/p>\n

You have 2 cows.<\/p>\n

The State takes both and sells you some milk.<\/p>\n

BUREAUCRATISM<\/em><\/p>\n

You have 2 cows.<\/p>\n

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.<\/p>\n

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM<\/em><\/p>\n

You have two cows.<\/p>\n

You sell one and buy a bull.<\/p>\n

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.<\/p>\n

You sell them and retire on the income.<\/p>\n

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM<\/em><\/p>\n

You have two cows.<\/p>\n

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt\/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.<\/p>\n

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.<\/p>\n

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.<\/p>\n

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.<\/p>\n

No balance sheet provided with the release.<\/p>\n

The public then buys your bull.<\/p>\n

SURREALISM<\/em><\/p>\n

You have two giraffes.<\/p>\n

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.<\/p>\n

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION<\/em><\/p>\n

You have two cows.<\/p>\n

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.<\/p>\n

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.<\/p>\n

A FRENCH CORPORATION<\/em><\/p>\n

You have two cows.<\/p>\n

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.<\/p>\n

A JAPANESE CORPORATION<\/em><\/p>\n

You have two cows.<\/p>\n

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.<\/p>\n

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.<\/p>\n

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION<\/em><\/p>\n

You have two cows, but you don\u2019t know where they are.<\/p>\n

You decide to have lunch.<\/p>\n

A SWISS CORPORATION<\/em><\/p>\n

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.<\/p>\n

You charge the owners for storing them.<\/p>\n

A CHINESE CORPORATION<\/em><\/p>\n

You have two cows.<\/p>\n

You have 300 people milking them.<\/p>\n

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.<\/p>\n

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.<\/p>\n

AN INDIAN CORPORATION<\/em><\/p>\n

You have two cows.<\/p>\n

You worship them.<\/p>\n

A BRITISH CORPORATION<\/em><\/p>\n

You have two cows.<\/p>\n

Both are mad.<\/p>\n

AN IRAQI CORPORATION<\/em><\/p>\n

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.<\/p>\n

You tell them that you have none.<\/p>\n

No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.<\/p>\n

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.<\/p>\n

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION<\/em><\/p>\n

You have two cows.<\/p>\n

Business seems pretty good.<\/p>\n

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7437","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-miscellaneous"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rogerdarlington.me.uk\/nighthawk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7437","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rogerdarlington.me.uk\/nighthawk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rogerdarlington.me.uk\/nighthawk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rogerdarlington.me.uk\/nighthawk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rogerdarlington.me.uk\/nighthawk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7437"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.rogerdarlington.me.uk\/nighthawk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7437\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7440,"href":"http:\/\/www.rogerdarlington.me.uk\/nighthawk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7437\/revisions\/7440"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rogerdarlington.me.uk\/nighthawk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7437"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rogerdarlington.me.uk\/nighthawk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7437"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rogerdarlington.me.uk\/nighthawk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7437"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}